Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
