Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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