I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
