addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
