He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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