Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
