Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
