Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
