Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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