If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
