I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
