Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
