woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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