I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
