i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
