There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
