I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
