Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
