a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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