I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
A bitchslap is in order.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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