Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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