Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
