i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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