You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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