if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
