mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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