last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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