I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
