omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Less talking, more tequila
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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