In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
