Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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