Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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