Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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