I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize