Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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