yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
