Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
two words...techno handjob
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize