You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
