if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
