"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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