WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
