I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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