Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
