"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
