Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
