Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
