So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
