i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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