Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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