I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
