Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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