sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My vagina is officially offended.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
