But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
