1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize