We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
