literally had 100 drinks last night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
