Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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