I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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