New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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