i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
